I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
