I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize