im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
