I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
