well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
