It's Friday. Sex?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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