I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
