I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
