Umm I'm too high to move.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
