why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
