If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
