I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
