You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize