I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
