he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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