guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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