i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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