So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
