Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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