3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
