If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
