he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
