Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
