this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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