Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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