That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
