quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
