Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
