My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dicks are not precious.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
