The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
