it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
