I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
