Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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