Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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