Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
