I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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