i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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