Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
