1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
