My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I am available for nakedness
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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