Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
