i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
