when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
