Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize