white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize