hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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