if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
