I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
