she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize