wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
