I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
