I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
