Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
