"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
