Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
