I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
