u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wannas sexs uuuuu
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
