He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
