I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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