i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize