I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
