Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize