Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
