Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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