I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
