Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
where am i from again
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
