Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
