Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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